You Belong

For most of my life, I’ve known what it feels like to not fit in. That’s a feeling I’ve grown accustomed to. During my early school years, I waded through feelings of inadequacy, insecure about who I was, which left me feeling like I was so much less than everyone else, and I believed I didn’t belong. Then came high school, and I didn’t want to fit in. My soul was constantly at war with the culture I found myself in. Having Jesus made me feel even more different. When I left for the military at 17, got married at 18, and pregnant shortly after, I continued to realize I was not like the people around me. Stationed at an Air Force base in Florida, young, pregnant, and completely alone, I walked into a church one Sunday, thinking I could find a place where I would feel welcomed. But as I sat there on a wooden pew, surrounded by strangers in a beautiful stained-glassed sanctuary that had the sounds of Heaven, no one turned to smile or welcome me that morning. Again, I felt like an outsider. I don’t know what people thought of me, but maybe if they knew I was hundreds of miles away from family, or that my husband was stationed on the other side of the state, that I was on my own and lonely they would’ve been more kind, so that I could feel a little less alone and more like I belong.

It’s been decades since I sat in that church, and I’ve realized over the years some people are more welcoming than others, and some people are more kind than others, and not every place or person is right for me or my family. Even though I’ve felt like a wanderer looking for my place in this world, it’s through my wandering that I stopped wondering, wondering where I belong. Throughout my life there’s somewhere I’ve always felt welcome and it’s not in a place or with people…it’s in the presence of God. There always seems to be someplace we struggle to fit in; work, school, even church, or family can leave us feeling like an outcast. It can be hard, and it can be exhausting trying not to stand out, to keep people happy, or to hide who you are just to feel included or to blend in with those around us. It was never meant to be that way though. Sometimes people require more of others than God ever does. God knows every nuance to our stories, he created our personalities, he created every part of us, and he loves us. And although people will fail us, and even reject us, Jesus never will (he too is very familiar with rejection and the suffering that comes with it). And even though love seems to be growing cold with every day that passes, the love of God is still burning, lighting the way to where we belong. I think about all the people Jesus interacted with while he was walking the earth, people who seemed unlikely to fit into the Kingdom of Heaven; the woman with multiple relationships who was living with a man who wasn’t even her husband, the tax collector who cheated people out of their money, the doubters who witnessed his miracles and still struggled to believe, the one that denied he knew Jesus even though he was with him from the very beginning, the prostitute, the hater and persecutor of his followers, and many more imperfect people. Jesus wasn’t turned off by their sin, quirks, or their story; he was more concerned about their souls. It didn’t matter who they were or weren’t, or what they had done. It only mattered if their hearts were open to him, and if they would not reject him he would give them a new heart, a new perspective, a new life that would last beyond this one, an eternal place to belong.

I’ve learned that when we follow Jesus, we are going to be outcasts in certain circles, even ones that claim to know him. There is so much freedom though when we quit concerning ourselves with other people accepting us. And we can be encouraged because we know God already does. There’s no standard to be met because Jesus met it for us. We are free to be the person he created us to be, and do the things he has created us to do. And at the right time and place the right people will find us and we’ll find them.

If you’ve struggled with feeling welcome, you are welcome here…I pray you find peace and love in the presence of God. He’s always where we belong.