Insecure and Unsure

Every morning for the past week, awakening in the dark I walk out of my room in the early morning hours and glance to the empty bedroom with two empty beds; each adorned with pink comforters. And immediately the questions come… With all but one home study in the bag and the anticipation of two little girls arriving at our home, who knows when, I have to be honest, I’m a little scared. Jumping into this endeavor wasn’t so terrifying, but the closer we get to becoming foster parents the more terrified I become. “Did God really put this on my heart? “Am I enough to be a mom to six kids?” These questions come and go like the tide…There’s one question though that has never crossed my mind, and its answer is my anchor when waves of doubt roar my way. Never have I wondered if I will have enough love. Is it not love that has stirred us to take on possibly more than we can handle? Is it not love that has broken our hearts for the broken? Therefore, is it not love that will give us the strength to press on in the difficult parts of this journey, and is it not love that will enable us and sustain us when we’re weary….I read Psalm 16 this morning; it says, “Lord you alone are my portion and my cup.” When these doubts try to break upon my soul, I have to lift my eyes off of myself and onto Jesus. When I’m not enough surely He is; and He is all I need. So, this day I again surrender my inabilities to God. My weaknesses are no match for His strength. There are so many wonderful scriptures that God keeps pressing on my heart every time I begin to feel insecure. 2 Corinthians 12:9, Joshua 1:9, Isiah 40: 28-31, Psalm 121: 1-2 are some of the words that breathe life, strength, and hope to my unsure heart; allowing me to continue to climb this mountain with nothing more, and nothing less, than love in my hands.